Working Mom’s Survival Guide
In a recent conversation with some coworkers, we were talking about the various roles of moms and how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom, work-from-home home, or a mom who works outside of the home. I know this to be true because I have worn all of these hats and each one holds its own unique set of struggles.
But, for the past several years, I have been a career mom and balanced the role of full time mom and full time outside career. It's a chaotic web of craziness at the very least. On my best days, we eat dinner at the same time and no one is late for anything, and on the worst days, well...do I even have to go there?
I have stories, so many stories, as I'm sure you do...broken coffee mugs (full of coffee) all over the floor, dog throw-up, kid throw-up, sleepless nights with sick kids trying to survive, and the unending battle of trying to get my daughter to put her damn shoes on. I mean, why is it so hard??
I digress.
But, as much as I don't have it down perfectly and am still learning a thing or two, I have picked up a few loopholes, or tips and tricks rather, that help make my life a little easier.
And I'm not talking about tips to make you more productive. If you've been around my blog or follow me on instagram long enough, you know how much I value balance and rest - true rest.
I shutter at the thought of an overworked, overloaded schedule where I'm driving my kids all over the city to do things they don't even want to do.
I'm not here to offer you advice on how you can be more efficient so you can add more to your already jam-packed schedule.
What I'm talking about are tips that have helped me compartmentalize my life in a healthy way - a way that allows me to enjoy what matters most and truly be in the moment at hand - whether that's work or play.
So, without further ado...
Working Mom Hack #1: Don't Sweat Dinner
You know what I'm talking about. You get home, kids are starving, you open the fridge and there's raw chicken staring up at you. You could easily throw something together but then you have to touch the raw chicken, chop it, cook it, and you probably should add something to it. I mean, just chicken might cause an uproar...
I'll let you in on a secret. I'm sort of a health nut and I actually enjoy cooking. I know others don't share this sentiment with me, but that's fine - this tip will work for you too. The point is, I used to really enjoy meal planning when I was working from home.
I would create dinner items for the week, do a weekly grocery shopping trip, and cook those meals I had planned for each night. The funny thing is, when I started working outside the home, I sort of thought this would continue.
Wasn't I adorable?
Let me just tell you, because you probably need someone to give you permission since you haven't given it to yourself...
It's okay if you don't meal plan.
It's okay if you don't make dinner from scratch every night.
It's okay if you eat left-overs, or cereal, or whatever, a couple nights a week.
I get stressed when I have to think about meal planning and prepping. Additionally, it's added pressure when I have to think of what to make for dinner on any given night, especially if I'm not home until almost 6pm.
My solution? Remove the pressure and stress. No more meal planning (at least not as detailed as it used to be), and create some shortcuts for easy and quick dinners that require little to no thinking.
Here's what I suggest:
1: Do a weekly grocery trip
You can even order online and have them delivered, but I go with a list of staples we need (kids snacks, lunch items, fresh fruits and veggies everyone likes), and 2-3 protein options that I can do different things with. I may have 1-2 dinners in mind for the week (like taco night, crockpot meals, etc.) and the rest is just easy, throw-together, last minute dinners.
2: Go for precooked/pre-sliced meats and veggies
I can't tell you how cooked, sliced grilled chicken has saved my life. I can even buy stir fry veggies sliced and all ready for me to sauté. These kinds of staples in my kitchen mean that I don't have to think - I can literally throw dinner together in less than 10 minutes and it's still fresh. LOVE. IT.
3: Lightly prep on weekends
I'm lucky because my husband likes to grill and smoke meats. Every once in a while, he'll prepare pork, chicken, etc. and do a whole batch for the week that is cooked and ready to go. I can throw those things into stir fry's, pastas, burritos, salads, you name it! Try doing your own prepping, whether it's on the grill or cooking stuff up over the stove - it will be well worth your time come Tuesday night, or any other time for that matter!
4: Have a "whatever goes" night
This is basically a night to let yourself off the hook. Maybe everyone eats left-overs; maybe your kids have cereal for breakfast; maybe you throw some hotdogs together and call it a day. Whatever you do, hear me say, it's okay to not cook dinner a couple nights per week. You'll have more time for your family and yourself and it will end up being a night you really look forward to ;)
Working Mom Hack #2: Teach your Kids to Help
Maybe this goes without saying, but I think we often let our kids off way too easy. Maybe it's because we don't want to release control, maybe it's because we don't think anyone else can do it better, our maybe you're like every other mom and you just don't have a ton of time to think past doing it yourself.
First of all, let's just accept the fact that nobody will do it better than you. So there. But, would you rather do everything yourself perfectly or have a little help and be okay with imperfection?
If you opted for the "perfect" option, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but you're not perfect and you're most likely a control freak. So STAAAHHHP.
Your kids aren't going to do it perfectly and neither is your spouse, but who cares. Get over it. Learn to be okay with things being less than perfect and equip others to own some things. You'll be glad you did.
You are missing out on a HUGE opportunity by not enlisting your children to help in age-appropriate activities / chores. And I am not talking about stuff you pay them for, I'm talking about responsibilities that are required when you're a team-player and a member of the family.
If you're unsure of where to start, or what sort of tasks your kids can or should be helping with, here is a list of ideas to get you going:
Packing backpack snacks
Taking out the trash
Cleaning bathrooms
Emptying / loading the dishwasher
Clearing dirty plates / dishes
Putting away homework
Feeding pets
Picking up dog poop
Folding / putting away laundry
Helping with younger siblings
Watering plants
Cooking / prepping meals or snacks
There are so many possibilities, and depending on the age of your children, they could do any of the tasks listed above on a variety of levels. Kids are smart. Take the time to teach them how to do something the way you expect and then let them learn by doing. It will end up helping you AND them. And their future spouses will be so grateful.
Working Mom Hack #3: Invest In Your Spouse
I get it...you and your spouse are probably going a million miles an hour in two different directions, which is exactly why you need to be intentional about your time. This is going to look really different for each couple depending on your children and their ages, you and your spouse's schedules, and your overall rhythm of life.
But, it's important to invest in your relationship by taking time for each other; time that doesn't get interrupted by your cell phone.
Plan regular date nights at LEAST once per month, preferably more often. Also, make sure you have alone time on a regular basis throughout the week.
We haven't always been able to do this, but one of the best things my husband and I have done and have been able to stick to for years now is having a consistent bedtime routine with our kids that's not too late, allowing us to have our own time together at the end of the night.
It doesn't always work out perfectly, but the idea is that we can sit down on the couch at the end of the night and actually have a grown up conversation. You can use this time to hear about each other's day, unwind with a glass of wine, and maybe enjoy a favorite show if that's your thing. Whatever you do, be intentional and make sure it's happening fairly consistently.
*The reason why I place this into the mom hack category is because it's a big part of investing in you and your spouse all while getting a break from your mom-related responsibilities. It's important because it will help you be the best version of yourself and equip you for being the best mom you can be.
Working Mom Hack #4: Learn How to Say No
This hurts for some of you, I know. In fact, I have a lot of friends who struggle with this. Can I just tell you something? When you say yes to everything - even good things - you are saying no to yourself, your family, your health, and to everything else you're already committed to. Because when you spread yourself too thin, you aren't able to give your best self to any of it.
Learn how to say no. Learn when to say no. Even if it means you have to say no to your children, your church, a new hobby you really want to do, a friend who wants to hang out.
When you say no, you free yourself up to say yes to the things that really matter - to the fun things; to the life-giving things. When you say no, you're giving yourself the freedom to choose what you say yes to, and that kind of margin is truly the sweetest blessing.
Working Mom Hack #5: Choose Gratitude
This may sound cliche, but I have to say that the practice of gratitude is truly life changing. And it is, most definitely, a practice.
I love how one of my favorite authors, Ann Voskamp, puts it. She says, "Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant—a seed—this plants the giant miracle.”
Gratitude shapes my attitude and it changes my perspective. When you choose to practice gratitude - even for the seemingly insignificant things of this world - you start to see God's fingerprints all over the intricate details of your life.
You start to see that the God of the universe is actually interested in every little thing about you. You'll start to notice him in the small things and that he's actually gone out of his way to bless you. Because he delights in you and he takes pleasure in bringing you joy.
Gratitude has allowed me to slow time down because it's helped me to take notice of the small things. And it's in the small things where all the beauty and goodness lies.
Gratitude has also allowed me to be a better mom because I'm choosing a posture that produces joy. I also want my children to have hearts that are grateful, and the best way to cultivate that is by modeling that behavior for them.
So how about you? What are some tips you've learned along the way? I'd love to learn from you as we navigate this wonderful, messy life of career mom.