Stop the Balancing Act - how to be fully present where it matters most
Culture preaches the idea that we should be able to balance it all, making life seem like some sort of juggling act. We have so many messages telling us to show up, do more, be the best and that there’s no limit to what we can achieve.
But the truth is, there is a limit to what we can achieve, and you know what? That’s a very good thing. I don’t believe that life is supposed to be a balancing act and that you and I were made to juggle all the things and show up in one place while our brains are still processing another.
But how does one get there? To some of us, this reality seems completely unobtainable, but I promise you that there is hope. There is an alternative to what culture is shoving down your throat, but it takes focus. Below I’ll share a few intentional steps you can take that will help you embrace less noise, be present for your people, do your best work, and finish your day with a full cup.
Believe in the value of less.
You can’t fix a problem unless you address the core of the issue. And I believe many of us (myself included) struggle with the addiction to busyness, achievement, accomplishment, etc. If you tend to feel artificial success when you’re busy, this may be an issue for you.
It’s important to recognize that your value doesn’t come from what you do. You are valuable simply because you’re you. This is harder for some of us to believe than others - especially if you’ve been told the opposite your entire life. But if you start to recognize a pattern of busyness that stems from an unhealthy need for recognition, control, or internal gratification, you can begin to assess all of your commitments by asking yourself 2 important questions:
Is this necessary?
Does it need my attention now or can it wait?
These simple questions can help you to determine what needs to happen and when. And if you’re someone who really needs to scale back your commitments and start building margin into your life, then these questions can prove to be critical in your decision-making process.
Identify what matters most
I hate to break it to you, but you really can’t do it all. But remember, this is a GOOD thing. The less you do, the more you can be fully present with what matters to you most.
One practice I have learned to incorporate into my own scheduling routine is identifying what commitments are most important to me. Start with your people. Who deserves and needs your attention? How much of it is appropriate? Obviously children and significant others will trump most everyone else in this case.
But maybe you’re in a unique season. Are you caring for an elderly parent or sick family member? Are you raising an infant (I promise things will let up soon, dear)? Are you helping your high school senior apply to colleges? Are you planning a wedding? These are all significant events, milestones, and commitments that will eat up a LOT of your time.
Even if it’s just for a short time, it can be hard to accept when we have to prioritize certain commitments over others. Doing the work of identifying what priorities are most important right now will make it easier to determine what to let go of so you’ll be able to bring your best self to your present commitments.
You can apply this same type of practice to your regular routine. Let’s say you don’t have anything major sucking up your time, but a whole bunch of little stuff like grocery shopping, picking up kids from practice, hobbies, cleaning, work, etc.
Take an inventory of your to-dos. Determine what needs to get done, and what needs to get done by YOU. Be honest and remember that just because others do things differently, doesn’t mean they do it wrong. Consider soliciting help where and when you can so you can build more margin back into your routine.
It’s time to stop being a slave to your schedule and start being an owner of it.
Say No to everything else
I get it. Saying no for some of us is very hard. But you can do hard things, I promise. And saying no is actually not that difficult when you’ve taken the steps above: believe in the value of ‘less’ and identify what matters most to you. Once you’ve done this, saying no to everything else is quite simple because you’ve already identified what stays and what goes.
Here are 3 truths to remember when it comes to saying no:
Saying no to the wrong thing is saying yes to the right thing
You don’t usually owe an explanation for your no
A no right now isn’t always a no forever
I can’t say I figured any of this out when I first became a mom, but as my children grew, so did I. I learned quickly that there’s beauty and goodness to be had in the everyday, messy middle moments of life. I also learned that I miss out on those moments when I keep myself too busy. Don’t allow mental, physical, or emotional fatigue to rob you of the gift of your present.
The truth is, learning how to balance less and showing up intentionally for what matters most isn’t some sort of personality trait that some of us are just born with. While it’s true that some naturally juggle lots of responsibilities a little better than others, that doesn't mean they should.
You get to choose how you show up
Think of it this way: the way you show up is a simple choice, like the shirt you choose to put on in the morning. And choosing to live a life of less chaos and more presence is like putting on a brightly colored t-shirt. Let’s be honest, you may not feel like wearing that shirt everyday, but when you do, the people who matter most to you will notice when you’re there and value the way you’ve shown up.
