Feeling like you don’t belong
I’ve always felt like somewhat of an outsider looking in. When I was about 7 months pregnant with my first born, I remember going out to eat with my husband and watching another mother with two young children by her side. All I could think was “I don’t fit in as a mom.” I honestly believed I was an imposter. I’d never be a typical subscriber to the “mom club.”
My friends couldn’t wait to have children and I was wondering if I was even going to like my baby enough.
My career has felt the same. I graduated college with honors but as soon as I entered the working world, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I have been in so many rooms where I felt I didn’t belong. I’ve been disrespected as a woman, misguided by leaders, and experienced a lot of workplace trauma over the last 10 years. As a result, I often felt like I was two leaps behind where I needed to be.
I saw myself as ‘not holy enough’ for my Christian friends and ‘too holy’ for my non-Christian friends. The truth is, I never really felt like I fit the mold anywhere.
What I've learned, though, is that the feeling of being an outsider - that you don’t belong - it only has as much power as you give it.
It starts small with a whispering insecurity, but it can turn into so much more. It can dictate how you make decisions, interact with others, and impact the way you live your life. This is what happens if you allow those whispers to turn into a background track that you can’t get rid of because it’s gotten so loud you don’t even notice it any more.
But it’s a lie.
You know how I know this? Because I’ve had actual conversations with real-life people (aka, not on the internet). And every human being is full of layered insecurities that run deep. When we start to understand that about our fellow humans, we can start to relax a little, because if I’m feeling this way, someone else in this room probably is too.
Insecurity is rooted in fear, and fear can be crippling, I know. This is why it’s critical that we not allow insecurity to be the dictator of our choices and the way we carry ourselves. This is why we have to finally start answering back to that voice in our heads. We have to choose to do things a little (or a lot) scared. We have to decide that, even if it looks different than everyone else, we’re going to do it anyway. We have to decide that - even if nobody else in the room looks like us, we’re going to walk in there with confidence knowing we belong.
We have to learn how to stop apologizing for who we are so we can finally take on the posture of belonging; the one that takes our position bravely regardless of what fear is telling us.
